life – Page 11 – Hues of Hankinson

Crunch

It was pride,

I wore my heart on my sleeve,

shared my hopes and dreams.

You brushed them aside

they scattered like confetti

and shattered as you trod on them.

One by one, I heard them break

under the crunch

of your negative footfalls.

©Alison Jean Hankinson

This is for d’Verse quadrille where we were given the word Crunch.

I had a difficult few weeks and took a bit of a battering in a very bizarre job interview. I did speak up for myself(and cried on the way home…) but I do worry that somewhere in this current climate we seem to have lost our values, our compassion and sense of humanity.

The photos are intended to be the opposite- the restoration of the spirit and soul.

Count your blessings…

Here it is- (I’m sorry- I tried)

The moment of realisation

That we didn’t make it big.

But on a day like today, I count my blessings,

It is good to be alive and thrive inside

in spite of the complexities of life.

Why worry? Why ruminate

On what could have been,

When we can celebrate the beauty and the bounty of all that we behold.

With fragile threads we weave our stories

Try to fasten our futures on to what we hold dear

We take so much for granted, and we often fear

The void, the loss, the loneliness, the finite ending.

We should instead let our spirits soar and hold this beautiful moment

In our memory for eternity.

I wanted to use this for OLN at d’Verse as it is something I need to remind myself about. The sunset tonight was simply magnificent and no matter how complex and difficult life is there is still much to be thankful for. Perhaps this year that is what I shall have as my resolution “Let our spirits soar.”

Wish you were near.

If I could turn back the clock and revisit the years

The worry and fears would feature less in our lives

I would hold your hand tightly and cherish the tears

I would be kinder, argue less, smile more and realise

That the memories and moments and having you near

Are worth more than ever as ever-swiftly time flies.

©Alison Jean Hankinson

This is my contribution to the birthday open link night at d’Verse. I am a November birthday. This is about my children, especially my firstborn twin, who is a long way from home and is bravely making her way in the world with no family at her side. When I look back at all the moments I wish there had been more time not less.

Ode to the town hall clock.

The town hall clock, hands of time

Counting the minutes, measuring the moments

Of our paltry lives.

We don’t look up enough

Sometimes we don’t see beyond our own story

Yet still the hands move round.

That same clock struck 11, sixteen years ago.

Same minute, same location, same season.

The leaves fell to the ground in remembrance.

Synchronicity in those hands

You were so small then in your red coat.

Time stood still for that one moment.

I captured your essence in early digital perfection.

The father, the child, the moment

Beneath the town hall clock, the hands that never stop.

©Alison Jean Hankinson

This is for d’Verse. It is my ode to the town hall clock which seems visible from just about everywhere in Lancaster. The theme and timing is appropriate as it will be Remembrance weekend. The feature image was taken after the service in 2001 where ironically my husband was in the remembrance parade before he became a veteran of war.

November frost.

City skyline

Frosted borders fringe the kerbstones

Mist mysteriously rising from the River Lune

Castle walls clear against the backdrop of a steely blue sky

Last umber leaves sombre against the sun’s glistening rays

Beautiful day to breathe.

Indeed we are infinite.

We are infinite came from the perks of being a wallflower– one of my favourite film scenes, the tunnel. This morning was so beautiful and fresh that it reminded me of this, especially travelling across the bridge. I was driving though so couldn’t get a photo. This one I have used under creative commons. Credit below.

Image- credit:

Days of loss.

Some days there are no happy ever afters

No pot of gold at the end of the rainbow

Inside the cloud- no silver linings

Some days the tears we weep fill the reservoirs of our soul

The magnitude of our pain and suffering is beyond remedy

Inside our heart is bereft and broken beyond repair.

Some days suffering sadness and shades of sorrow are all there is

And we must carve a new understanding of the world we know

Find a new way to find a glimmer of hope.

I have decided to link this up to d’verse for open link night. I wrote it at a very key low point last year just as I discovered I had once again become ill with a flare of Ulcerative Colitis, the first since 2012. Last week I think I hit an even lower point in my life, the disease refusing to go into remission and being forced to give in and go back on to high dose steroids. I am climbing back out of the hole. I have managed to keep working, and that in itself is an achievement and we take our crumbs where we can find them.

I wrote this early November when despair was at times overwhelming. I still believe in happy ever after- it is in my nature.

Much love. XXX

Shades of 50.

It is done, my fiftieth birthday year finally gone

Kicked the ass out of that, had a bit of fun

Moved house and home,

And now it is done.

Heartaches and happiness all in one.

What a year, glad to move on to 51.

this is a bit cheesy but all I could muster for this week’s Quadrille at d’Verse. I celebrated my fiftieth birthday in hospital and it has been a roller-coaster of a year and I think some of the biggest dips were in the last week, so I was a bit quiet….So tomorrow I start a new day, and a new year… and I will be 51.

I miss my Ellen though and would love to have her home with me. XXXX

Dear daughters

It’s never too late to change direction

If the path you are on is not going to lead to the life that you wanted then be brave, take a deep breath and take the fork in the road and change direction.

Don’t settle for less than you deserve. If you earned it then value it and value yourself. Don’t let anyone rubbish your achievements however great or small they may be. Every step forward is brave and courageous when you are journeying into the unknown.

Hold love carefully in your hands and hearts, it can be fragile and can break in the gentlest breeze or be strong and cross any void or vacuum. Take it for what it is and keep it safe in your memory whether it lasted a moment, a lifetime or an eternity.

Be kind to yourself. You are all you have. Don’t wrap yourself in cotton wool, but remember you only have one life.

Be kind to others. Be compassionate. They too will have a story, it might not be the same as yours but it will have laughter and tears, love, loss and heartache.

Ask for help when you need it. Sometimes a trouble shared is a trouble halved and there are souls out there who would gladly share their last supper with another who was in need.

Remember to look upwards, see the sunrise and the sunset. Look at the stars and the skies. There is a whole universe out there waiting.

Breathe. Slowly. Breathe. Take time to be in the moment. See it for what it is and then let it go.

Love always-

Mumma. XXX