Shadows of yesterday, promises of tomorrow.

Today we took my Dad’s caravan to Kirkudbright for him. As this year has progressed I have learned to accept that it isn’t about the wealth we have or the belongings that we possess but about the moments we share with the people that we love.

Mum passed away in August 2008, she is probably still giving someone grief up there for how untimely that was at 64, as she had worked all her life and never got to draw her pension. I had emigrated to New Zealand in 2006 with my husband and the girls, and got stuck with our property falling into negative equity following the global recession and no hope of returning to the UK, and I didn’t even make it home for the funeral.

My sister held everything together. She helped Dad and sorted affairs and then continued to shoulder the weight of Dad’s illness. He was diagnosed with cancer less than six months after mum’s passing and the weight loss that we had put down to grief was actually the cancer eating away at him. He had some major surgery to remove a lung and was given fairly low odds of survival, but survive he did, and whilst he was unable to receive any chemotherapy, he was too ill and frail, he slowly healed and recovered. He was never really able to return to being an active solo captain on his boat without his beloved bosun and the years rolled by until in 2011 he got his beloved Emma dog. He then grew from strength to strength and got his first camper van in 2013, followed by an upgrade in 2015. In 2016 finally after seven years, we managed to sell our house in NZ and we returned home at the beginning of 2017.

Fast forward to today and the latest roadtrip as we were able to drive Dad’s newly acquired caravan north to Kirkudbright for him. It is these moments that make all the complexities and turmoil of the last decade somewhat worthwhile.

Driving to Kirkudbright itself was a trip down memory lane, we often went there camping as a family when we were younger, as Dad had lived there as a child. Ironically Galloway had also been a favourite haunt of my husband’s family. My husband and I honeymooned for 2 nights along the same Galloway route at the Isle of Whithorn in 1994, the car breaking down in Dumfries on the way, robbing us of a night’s money. We then camped and visited Dumfries and Galloway fairly regularly in our early marriage even partying on down for Hogmany in Portpatrick with friends on numerous occasions. Emily learned a lot on the journey northward. Every name on every road sign brought back some distant memory and now there was a new excitement as what we were embarking on was a new adventure, and a new opportunity to create new memories both for and with Dad.

Our lives can and do change so rapidly. It is important to treasure and cherish each moment that is of meaning and see it for its true value and worth especially when we live in troubling times where values seem to be challenged and dropped so readily and with such ease.

I was glad to be able to have today. I hope there will be many more days like today.

It was a day full of promise. It took a long time to get here but we got here in the end.

©Alison Jean Hankinson

Hospital Birth

Darkest hours

Patiently pacing

Dim-lit dawn

Life-embracing.

Bald cry echoes

Through the walls

First born child’s

Entrance call.

Birth Newborn Sleeping Baby Girl Infant Hospital

This is for Jillys challenge

Where we complete the beginning of a poem and see if someone else can complete it. So this is my beginning bit.

The image was for reuse in the public domain from max pixel.

Alison Jean Hankinson

Without Fear.

Sunshine breaks through the clouds

after the rain had refreshed and restored

with its patient pitter patter on the window pane.

Fear was vanquished

in just one moment of stillness and calm and quiet contemplation.

We are so small and insignificant compared to nature.

©Alison Jean Hankinson.

This was written for d”Verse quadrille prompt which this week was the word fear. The photo is my own and it was taken this evening as I made the most of a dry spell. I took it for Ellen and was messaging her in NZ throughout my walk. We have all faced fears and uncertainties this year and the only thing I know is that tomorrow will bring new fears and realities and that we must take solace from the moments that are bigger than our fears.

Smile

The power of a smile is totally underestimated by most people. It is a simple gesture that means so much and it is used both consciously and subconsciously on a daily basis by most of us. There have been times in my life where it was a smile that made the difference.

A smile says “I accept you.”

A smile says “I get it, I understand”

A smile says “I love you.”

A smile says “It’s okay.”

A smile says “Hallo- I missed you.”

A smile says “Thanks for your support.”

A smile says “I will walk alongside you through your pain.”

A smile says “I am proud of you.”

A smile says “I value you.”

When you light up my life with a smile,

you make the moment and my existence more worthwhile.

©Alison Jean Hankinson.

Give Thanks

We are often blinded to what is of real value in our lives. We are often blind-sided by material wealth and economic worth and seek to measure our worth according to our apparent successes and failures at acquiring wealth and establishing some form of economic status based on it. These high expectations can indeed plummet us into great chasms of despair when our net worth based on these rigid criteria is seemingly low or even non-existent.

At 50 I find that I appear to be worth less in wages and respect than I was when I was 25. This has been a hard lesson to learn. However I can live off less, and I realise that so much of how I have measured myself is based on unrealistic monetised criteria.

I hope we somehow teach our children to recognise and measure their value and worth in other ways.

I hope they learn to measure their wealth in the size of their hearts and the depth of their compassion.

I hope they learn to measure their worth in their ability to give thanks, in their tolerance and their preparedness to give support and guidance to others in need.

I hope that they learn that time is of value and is often underestimated.

When you put aside the desire to be the most successful, or to have the most money it gives you the opportunity to look more closely at what you achieved in life and what is of value in and around you.

I am thankful to have had the opportunity to be a mum, and for me this was not a done deal.

I am thankful that I have been able to work most of my life in a job that has been profoundly interesting, engaging and in a field that I have been extremely passionate about.

I have been fortunate and am thankful that my work has been fulfilling and challenging and that I have often felt that I am making a worthwhile and valid contribution to society.

I am thankful for my family, all of them, warts and all, a husband who has at times driven me to distraction but always been there to hold my hand and walk beside me when the road has been tough. I am thankful for my children who have made me what I am, everything I have done has been to be able to give them something of value and worth. I am thankful for my sister and my parents for all that they gave to me and all that I learned from them.

I am thankful that when I have made mistakes I have had opportunities to recover and learn and try again.

I am thankful for the friendship and love I have received over the years from people whom I have loved and cherished and also sometimes from complete strangers.

I am thankful for the world around me, the beautiful buildings with their amazing stories, the sea and the landscape, the weather and all that is nature, from the humble daisy to a seascape at sunset.

When we take time to think about what makes us glad, we are able to remember that value and worth are not necessarily linked to money.

Namaste.

©Alison Jean Hankinson

School’s out…. for teachers…

Marking’s done

Summer’s come

Last bell rings, go home.

Bag’s away,

Wine glass full

Reading book, nit comb.

Relaxing bath

Free at last

Take-away, it’s time to play.

©Alison Jean Hankinson

Regards to all my fellow school teachers out there….XXXXX

Sublime simplicity

Across the sea the scarlet sky

Nature helps us simplify

We cherish magic moments

In busy life atonement.

Alison Jean Hankinson

I am using this for the Tuesday link at Toads. I was in mindful mode last week.

Fake it ’til you make it.

Affirmations

They help us to remind ourselves of the positives. After all that is what they are all about, they are intended to help us affirm our strengths.
They help to restore the balance within our brains that can occur when our self-esteem has taken a bit of a battering. (self–esteem can be very fluid.)
They feed and nourish our long-term self-efficacy.
Fake it until we make it, a lot of research out there suggests that we can shape what we will become by the thoughts we perceive as important, and therefore having good thoughts about ourselves should ultimately lead us to have better outcomes in life.
It can give us a better sense of gratitude and self-worth.

My acrostic was my attempt at writing myself an affirming acrostic, it isn’t about its depth and breadth as a piece of poetry but about the mental processes and the affirmations that occurred whilst penning it.

Amazing

Fun loving

Friendly

Industrious

Resilient

Maternal

Accepting

Tenacious

Intelligent

Open to new ideas

Nurturing.

Alison Jean Hankinson.